The Calm Before the Storm

 
                   Introducing Amy

Some time had passed and Charlie met a girl (Amy) and quickly moved in with her. Since Amy's house was the place where our daughter would be staying when she visited her father, I of course wanted to meet her. She seemed very sweet, somewhat meek and timid but she was also much younger than Charlie, so that could explain her demeanor. She had jumped into a very complicated situation, and was not only taking in a man she hardly knew but also his child.

Given the circumstances I feel like she handled it very well. She and Cindy seemed to adore each other. When Cindy would come home from spending time there she had nothing but great things to say about Amy. They got along very well and she treated my daughter with kindness, and respected the fact that Charlie came as a package deal. As a mom that is one of your biggest concerns "is this woman going to love my child or see her as an inconvenience? Is she going to treat her well or resent her?" Needless to say I was very happy with how things were turning out for Cindy's sake. Charlie also appeared to be growing up and maturing as an adult, and in turn becoming a better father. He even ended up getting a job, and shortly after he and Amy officially got a place together. Cindy would come home happy and in a good emotional state.

                  Finding love again

    About 6 months later I reconnected with my old friend Rob. We got to know each other again and quickly realized there was more than a friendship happening this time around. Once I knew it was serious I introduced him to Cindy. They instantly bonded and loved spending time together. Above all Rob understood and respected the fact that Cindy is my #1. As a single mom it's hard to find a man that genuinely understands that, rather than getting jealous and resentful of the child. It sounds silly but it happens much more often than you'd think.

     I had a feeling early on that this was the man I wanted to marry. I had been in 2 other long-term relationships and even after years of being with both of those men, I never felt the way that I was feeling with Rob. Cindy would often comment on how much she liked him because of how happy he makes us both. Before we got engaged he took Cindy out and proposed to her as well. He bought her a ring and asked if he could join our family. He made it very clear that he was in no way trying to replace her dad and that she could call him whatever she felt comfortable calling him. (Side note.. I wonder what he would have done if she said no ;) ) Thankfully she didn't, and she was overjoyed with Rob joining our family.
 
                       Setting a schedule

       Very shortly after getting married Rob's line of work presented him with a very lucrative opportunity in North Dakota. We discussed many options such as me and Cindy staying in Utah and visiting him frequently, or she and I moving to North Dakota with him. Of course nothing was seriously considered until I had the chance to speak with Charlie. I made it very clear that I would not go anywhere unless he and I agreed on a schedule and plan that both of us felt comfortable with. I threw out several options all of which Rob and I agreed to pay the accommodations for.

We finally all agreed that she would come with me, but that we'd all (Rob, Cindy and I) come back on a monthly or bi-monthly basis and she would stay with Charlie while we were in town. Based on how things were going in Charlie's life, she could possibly stay for a few weeks at a time. She was 3 at the time and not yet in school, so there was still the flexibility to arrange this type of schedule. I was not thrilled at the thought of possibly going several weeks without Cindy being home, but it's no different than a court-ordered schedule where the child spends the summer with the non-custodial parent.

Cindy spent the first few weeks with her dad while Rob and I went to North Dakota and put down some roots. I quickly got a job and found a good daycare for Cindy, and then we went back and got her. She spoke to her father regularly, several times a week on the phone, and at least once a week on Skype. A few months after the move I became pregnant.  For the first few months we came back monthly like we had promised. But the next time we arranged to bring Cindy back for a several week visit, Charlie had said not to. He said that he was in between apartments, and he felt it was best that he not take Cindy at that time.       

                 We had to make a choice   
     
        By this time I was a few months pregnant, and the place we lived in North Dakota did not have the proper medical care for my high risk pregnancy. (I was born with a very rare liver disease, which greatly affected my pregnancies). We ended up coming back a few times so I could see the doctor that treated me with my first pregnancy, and Cindy could visit her father even if she wasn't going to stay with him for a few weeks. As I got further along in my pregnancy some complications arose, and all around Rob and I agreed it was best if Cindy and I go back to Utah. Cindy would be able to see her dad on a more regular basis again and I would get the necessary medical treatment. Rob was going to stay at his current company until after the baby was born (because I needed to remain insured) and he would follow suit a few months after. He visited frequently during this time and was able to take a few weeks off when Jasmine was born.


Charlie and Amy had since moved in to an apartment near by, and regular visits with Cindy began again. Things were going better than ever in all aspects. I truly thought that he had changed and things were different.  Not just because of what he was saying but because of actions I saw. The responsibilities I saw him taking on, the job, the seemingly stable relationship he was in. But most importantly Cindy was not expressing anything that seems concerning anymore. She appeared happy to go with him and happy to be there. Unfortunately  non of that lasted long.

 The calm was over and the storm was brewing.