A break from the story

                            Time-out

As you can see from the publish date it took me much longer to enter the last post, and not because it took me awhile to write, but because I wanted to be very careful with what I said. Once information like that is public, it can't be unseen. So I debated back and forth on what exactly to say and what to hold back on. I am very aware of the fact that one day my daughter may read this. I try my hardest to make everything I say/write, factual rather than biased.

 To this day I have never spoke negatively about Charlie in front of our daughter. No matter what horrible things he said (especially later once the court proceedings started) I never defended myself from what she heard (although looking back, certain things I should have). My driving force in all of this was my hope that one day she would understand why I did what I did, but also respect me for never belittling or saying bad things about her father, (I'm not going to lie and say it was easy..there were time I would want to snap over certain things she would come home saying).  The very most I would say was "I'm not sure why dad said that, maybe he was confused or that was his view or belief at that particular time, but I can assure you Rob is not trying to take your dad's place" (or whatever that particular accusation was at the time.)   And then I would leave it at that.

Above all I wanted her to see that despite everything going on, I would never want her to think badly of her father.  I want to be her safe place, not another parent bashing the other. I can't control what others do, but I can control what I say and do.

I have read and seen first-hand the damage it causes a child when both parents are talking bad about the other one. It causes the child to not trust either parent, and statistically it raises a child's chance of later becoming involved in gangs and/or drugs to seek solace from the storm at home and in their mind. 

                     Letters to Cindy

• I write Cindy letters and I have since she was a baby in my belly. Letters about milestones she's reaching, or what I see when I look at her precious face. Letters about what's going on in the world and what I hope for her in the future. Recently I started writing her letters about what's going on between me and her dad. Not to speak negatively about him, but more so an honest account of what took place and the reasoning for why I did, said, or didn't say or do certain things. One day she's going to ask questions and she's going to be old enough to deserve the truth. My only hope is that she understands that everything I did was out of love and protection for her.

•  Ultimately I decided it was okay to write about the situation. If I can help even one parent going through something similar then it needs to be said (written).  This is one of the biggest, scariest processes you will ever go through! There are no definitive answers to every question you will have during this time. And unfortunately you will doubt yourself several times along the way. But one thing I hope you don't have to feel is alone.