Intro and disclaimer

For the past few years I've wanted to do something that would help people who were in my situation. The situation of debating whether or not to file for custody of your child. After several years I knew that filing was the very best thing for my daughter's safety, health, and overall well being, but I was terrified to take the first step. Up until that point her father and I had no official agreement or court orders in place. The only experience I ever had with custody cases were the ones I watched my mom and sister go through. Both cases were ugly, drawn out, and extremely expensive. Not to mention the hell I watched them go through, especially the children involved.

My biggest regret is that I didn't do this sooner, at an age when she was too young to comprehend what was going on. I could have spared her from so much mental anguish. But I kept hoping and praying that we could co-parent without the courts involved.



So What exactly is this Blog about?


The first several (7 or so) posts will basically be my journey through the why's and how's of filing for custody on my own. Our Commissioner was new, we were one of her first 5 cases. Even other professionals were blown away at how our case was being handled and how crazy things got. I'll be honest, if someone told me some of the things that took place in our case, I would have a hard time believing them.  So I just wanted to offer hope to other parents that no matter how bad things get, to never stop fighting for your child.  After I tell you my story, my posts will be more about you. How I can help you, things that I learned along the way that I wish I would have known. Tips and resources that were a godsend for me. As well as several other things I was going through at the same time as the custody "battle".

You'd be right to assume that something like this would take up all your physical and mental attention and energy, but as with anything, life doesn't stand still so that we can deal with our struggles. So in the same span of time I was also dealing with my youngest child's neuromuscular issues, in and out of the hospital searching for a diagnosis, caring for my mother that recently had several Strokes and a rare brain disorder (both seemingly appearing out of thin air) and trying to maintain a marriage in the midst of it all.

My only motive here is to help others in similar situations and to encourage you to never stop fighting for your children no matter how hopeless it may seem. If I can just help one parent not feel alone, helpless, or in over their head, then I have accomplished my goal in writing this.

The best piece of advice I have (and the one I clung to the most throughout this process)  is to

always remember your "why"

DISCLAIMER:

• I am in no way attempting to portray a lawyer or give legal advice, I'm also not stating that this is the right way or best way to file for custody. I will say that it damn sure isn't the easy way, but for some parents (like myself) it was the only option I had. It was either do it on my own, or let the current situation continue.  So I'm simply explaining what I did and why, and venting along the way. Also since we are still going through the proceedings (and most importantly for the privacy of my child) I will be changing the names of all mentioned parties.

   
Please comment your thoughts. Let's get a dialogue going and not keep these situations in the dark. Unfortunately so many of us suffer through these battles in silence. We feel guilt and shame for putting our child through something so horrible. We feel embarrassed for not seeing the warning signs.

 I promise you that if you are doing this for the right reasons (and not just on a power trip trying to remove the other parent from the situation for no real reason) then you aren't doing anything wrong! You have nothing to feel shame about. What matters is that now you are choosing to do the right thing for your children.